I'll fly away

Thanks Laurel and Hardy*

*The Music Box was one of the Laurel and Hardy episodes the Baltes family watched many times....

Merry Christmas

Meow.

"Doc, my dog is real sick," the distraught man said, putting the limp animal on the examining table. The vet checked the pooch, then turned to the owner. "I'm sorry, he's not sick, he's dead." "No, he's not," the man insisted. "He's just sick." "Judy," the vet said, turning to his assistant, "bring the tabby in."

 The assistant placed a cat in front of the dog's nose. The cat sniffed at him, walked across his body and bit his tail. No response. Finally, resigned to the situation, the dog owner said, "OK, he's dead. What do I owe you?" "Eight hundred twenty-five." "Eight hundred twenty-five! What for?"  "Twenty-five for my fee," the vet replied, "and $800 for the cat scan."

Space Oddity

Goes by the name Lucky

the beach

I was at the beach with my children when my four-year-old son ran up to me, grabbed my hand, and led me to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead in the sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked. "He died and went to Heaven," I replied. My son thought a moment and then said, "And God threw him back down?"

Bear necessities

It seems a pastor from Maine skipped services one Sunday to go bear hunting in the mountains. As he turned the corner along the path, he and a bear collided. The pastor stumbled backwards, slipped off the trail, and began tumbling down the mountain with the bear in hot pursuit. Finally the pastor crashed into a boulder, sending his rifle in one direction and breaking both legs.  As the bear closed in, the pastor cried out in desperation, "Lord, I'm sorry for what I have done. Please forgive me and save me!  Lord, please make that bear a Christian."   Suddenly the bear skidded to a halt at the pastor's feet, fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and said, "God, bless this food which I am  about to receive."

Mime's the word

Oops.

Thank you President Eisenhower.

These guys suck*.

*I don't know if that is true.